Ready to listen?!
Head over to your favorite podcast link or search Prosperity with Purpose Podcast to listen!
APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY
Hello! Welcome back to the Prosperity With Purpose Podcast. I'm Jessica Hefley. How was Spring Break?How was your spring cleaning from last week's episode? I am almost there. If you’re watching on YouTube I have a little bit of a jenkety wall behind me, but I'm getting there I have made the powerful decision and ordered the supplies that I need to finish the wall in my office so I can record in the office and have a cool background. We're getting there. We're getting there, but I got my clothes done. I got a lot of the garage done. I got those spaces done that I utilize all the time and it already feels so much clearer so much easier. so much less resistant. So anyways, I got tell you the story. So today we're going to talk about this real life. I'm going to bring you real life, because so much of growth, so much of ownership, so much of empowerment, so much of leadership all comes from just personal experiences. It always fascinates me when people are like, “I don't know how to add value to the world” . I'm like, “Are you learning anything new?”, everything is a possible lesson. Every book I read, every sermon I listen to, but honestly, every single interaction with my family with people I don't like with people I do like, with the work like everything is the opportunity for you to learn something new. So for spring break. We're in a season where it's it's it's full. There's lots of things going on with my husband's work. He just came back from a men's retreat. We were just in the Dominican Republic on a Plexus Leaders retreat trip. So there's just a lot going on and I love to travel. It's my love language. If it was initially my pick I was like, “We got to go somewhere, babe!” We were going to go on a really awesome trip with some friends but that had to get canceled and so I was like waah waah, but my spirit just kept being like I kept looking at like places to go you know Colorado or Utah or go snowboarding or be in a beautiful restful environment and just felt like are we just doing that just to do that right? Now we've we've got a full year we've got other cool things. Exciting things we're going to be doing. Maybe it would be better to have a low-key Spring Break. So that's what we did but I couldn't stay home the whole time. I got just 2 nights in a cabin up in the Ozark mountains up in Jasper near Jasper, Arkansas. It's beautiful up there if you're from them hill country if you're from the Arkansas or anyways, it's really beautiful, just change a pace change a place change a perspective. You know some family time some low internet time .We hiked and we did a campfire we watched Chronicles of Narnia together. We did a puzzle, cooked some resurrection rolls for breakfast, just a couple just just low-key connecting. But husband said it was one of his most favorites Spring Breaks. Okay that was just for two days but here's the story is when we were packing up to go. We were only going for 2 nights and we weren't like doing anything fancy so we didn't need that much stuff. I didn't need nice clothes like get hiking boots. It was going be chilly, get some hoodies get a jacket and we're on our way, get a couple I just grabbed a couple snacks we already had in the at the house. But as we're walking out the door I can't find my jacket. Okay I've got this like a wonderful, like every time I wear I'm like this was such a smart purchase. Do you remember this? Things like it was it was it caught. You know it was not a cheap investment but I found it right before my Israel trip like we went like five years ago, maybe it was a year before COVID. So yeah, 2019 and I bought it at where was that place. It's a place in Russellville, oh it's a great little, small mom and pop store. Anyways I wasn't even looking for it I was just in there looking around and it was this awesome green jacket. It was waterproof. It was warm but it wasn't a winter jacket. It just felt like it could be used for all sorts of terrains when we were going to Israel. It was going to be kind of colder and rainy and I was like this is perfect. Anyways, I've used it so many times and sent but it's like a special occasion jacket I don't use it all the time I use it when I need it right? and I am a person who knows where things are if feel' a little to hear my haughty voice, just listen do last week's episode on humility. Maybe I need to go listen to it anyways, let's do it again? Ok so I know the point of this is. I know where my stuff is my husband doesn't know where his stuff is, and that he has too much stuff. Lots of judgments around all of his stuff but I put my jackets on the jacket hook. That's where I put them. I built this house specifically so I could hide my husband's crap, so I could hide the clutter, hide the things to create more peace for me as I didn't have to see it. We all have cubbies by where we coming in the garage door. We all literally have our own locker closet thing where you can put shoes a drawer for shoes. Closet for jackets and then up top where you can put like snowbibs and snow so winter supplies like everybody has their own. That's where I keep my jacket. Okay and so it was like a no-brainer. We’re walking out running out the door, and I open it to get my jacket to go out and my jacket's not there. y'all my jacket's not there. And me who puts things where they belong and the jacket's not there and it ends up being way a bigger deal than it should have been in the first place but as always if you are finding yourself overly frustrated ,flustered, angry, upset like disregulated. That is always an invitation to unhook something that usually hooks you that has hooked you a lot in the past that has made you so angry and upset. So I'm noticing so we're trying to so get in the car we're trying to get on the road. There's one of my favorite restaurants Cliff House Inn and we were trying to go to church and then leave right straight from church so we were to go to early service which we're late servicers. We like to sleep in have a slow lazy Sunday morning we were trying to get to early service and then hit the road because my favorite restaurant closed at 3 ,so we had to get there before because they were going to be closed on Monday and Tuesday and the whole reason I planned this trip. But so we could read eat these my favorite little restaurants but they were all going to be closed Monday, Tuesday so we had to go on Sunday anyways, I couldn't find my jacket at all and I'm noticing like what in the world? I can't find my jacket! Where's my jacket? I start snapping at my kids to get in the car. I thought I told you'd hurry up and I'm just like being really agitated with my husband. With my kids I'm feeling very flustered because I can't find my dang jacket y'all and I know where I put my things, and I can't find it. It's I'm like what in the world I'm going through everybody's cubby. I'm going through my husband's closet. Maybe my our house assistant accidentally thought it was Rob's jacket put it in Rob's closet. I cannot find my jacket, but now I am noticing that the fact that I can't fight my find my jacket is making me incredibly irritated. It is making me not so kind to my kids. It is making me feel rushed and anxious and if we're going to get that that feelings wheel right from a couple episodes ago. If we were to look at that I was not only like angry I was being like really critical on myself really like irritated furious, frustrated and angry and I was just like what in the world and so I took a step back I was like right, I am really upset about this jacket, and I was keeping my cool. Actually I was keeping my cool to some degree, but I was noticing the agitation was so right there on the edge and so I took a few moments to like regulate like put my hand in my heart be like okay Jessica you're safe. You're a smart person. Where could this possibly be? You know, like because in in that state of like flustered, anger and frustration. We can't find the things you know oftentimes in our business we're like I have to do this I have to make this much amount of money I have to this week did it it becomes so flustered that we become frustrated. We can't think straight we come from this place of like desperation and scarcity and flusteredness. I just don't want to operate from that place. So anyways, after I calm down a little bit. The kids are literally in the car I'm like I got to go make 1 more round I know that that jacket is in there and I really want this jacket because it's going to be cold. Ah, in the mountains and this is the perfect jacket for being outside when you're cold and I wanted it and so I go back to the house 1 more time and I check in an unlikely place we have a storm shelter and a couple months ago there was a tornado over the night and so I'd put in the mattresses in the storm shelter I'd put in like extra shoes. Candles snacks food and stuffed in the corner behind the bed in the shelf was my jacket so months ago thinking oh my goodness we're about to have a tornado that would be a great jacket to have side note like I'm a big preparer for tornadoes I grew up where tornado tornadoes were. So if you are ever or in your storm shelter or in your bathtub or in your closet always brings shoes your keys in your purse and I have thrown my computer any like valuable things real quick because I had a dear friend squirrel sorry I had a dear friend who was in a tornado and it leveled her house. She was in the closet destroyed her entire house. It was the middle of the night and she was by herself and when the tornado was over she opened the door. Everything was destroyed. She didn't have shoes. So I mean everything was destroyed. There's nails debris all of these things and she couldn't even like walk out of her closet to go get help because she didn't have shoes. So side note have shoes. Well I also packed my jacket. In the storm room shelter I found it congratulation Jessica where's my noise makes um sorry I love playing. Um. Okay, Jessica found her jacket, everybody celebrate, and I'm in the car and I'm noticing all these things I'm like whoa! Why did that bother me so bad that I could not find my jacket? Then I realized it was another layer of perfectionism meaning, I was so upset at myself because I put so much judgment on other people who can't find things. I get so frustrated from my husband and my kids when they can't find things. I'm like put it where it belongs, then you'll know where it is ,duh! I have closets. I built you guys spaces for your shoes, if you'll just put stuff where it belongs you'll know where to find, and so I just had so much judgment around people who lost their things are people who couldn't find their things and so when I was in a situation where I couldn't find my thing I did it wasn't where I put it and it was like oh press down measured poured against you judgment heaping on myself and it was so interesting to me. It was this light bulb moment of, “Hey what would it look like in this moment just to give myself some grace?”. Sometimes people can't find their things. What if it doesn't mean anything about them. What if the fact that I couldn't find my jacket doesn't mean anything about me? Sometimes people can't find their jackets. And just untangling the judgment attached to that. Untangling this like oh no people like me don't do stuff like that like people like me do stuff like that sometimes people like you as a successful business owner sometimes you have down days. Sometimes you don't meet your goals. Sometimes you're not on your A game. Sometimes you try really hard and and didn't It didn't succeed. If you stop making that mean that you're a failure or you're a whole or horrible person or you're not a good leader or whatever. Whatever, whatever and they use that as an invitation for grace. An invitation to love and accept yourself and your imperfections. This silly jacket story was an invitation for me to love and accept myself and my imperfections it may seem so silly to you but to me it was like oh okay, another layer. This is a way that I can love myself care for myself. Be easier on myself and other people and because when I love and accept myself and my imperfections. It allows me to love and accept others in their imperfections which leads me to a conversation had with with my coach today and which ought be a whole other episode. It was about lifting weights I'm going to do a whole episode of this on the shame around starting ,stopping, starting stopping, starting ,stopping being a goal. I'm do that the next. 1 of the next 2 episodes will be all about this. But anyways we also talked about had an uncomfortable conversation with somebody and she asked me these 3 questions and she was like how could I see feel and understand this person and I was like I know I should like see their point. How could I see feel and understand them and she was like we get to meet somewhere where they actually are not where we wish they would they should be without judgment. Okay, we get to meet someone where they actually are not where we wish they could be without judgment and what would it mean for me. To look and meet myself right where I am without judgment. This whole concept of acceptance also proves to be need to be as a whole another episode is because we are constantly feeling like we should be better than this. They should be better than this. There's this judgment cycle of like they should be perfect or they should be better or they know better did and it's just this like shame heaping cycle when someone just wants to be met where they are loved where they are accepted where they are yes, they can be challenged but if they're constantly feeling like they're not good enough or they're not enough or they're behind and the key factor here is if you're constantly feeling like you're not good enough. You're behind. You're full of shame. You messed up again. Okay, coming from that place is not going to motivate you coming from the place of “Oh I'm human. I am capable of making a decision so my life can move forward. I am courageous enough to start again. I am going to make mistakes. I am an imperfect being but I am willing and choosing to show up again.” Whoa I lost my jacket! Y’all I lost my jacket. I will lose something else in the future. But it was such a tangible life experience for me to explore. What was the underlying root there? The underlying root there was perfection and judgment that I had on myself and I had another people. The underlying invitation there's always an invitation to unhook a trigger to bring healness healing and wholeness. And so I always want like if the invitation is present if the invitation is there I want to accept the invitation. I want to learn what that life experience has for me and I want to teach and challenge and encourage you guys for anything that comes up in your life that's irritating or frustrating, or get out this feeling wheel like the whole point of when I had you guys do this 3 times a day for an entire week was to first of all even be in touch with what you're feeling in the first place but also notice every time you're feeling one of those uncomfortable or hard or angry or sad like every time you're feeling one of those emotions it is an invitation. You can bring before the Holy Spirit to find some freedom to not have to struggle with that again in the future. To learn the lesson that is there for you and so then you can move forward with more grace with more acceptance and with more motivation to do it differently the next time because you've come to a place of love and acceptance of yourself without judgment. So you then can move forward just how you can come to that place with those that you lead those that you coach, meeting them exactly where they are, and helping them feel seen. Feel felt ,feel felt and understood. Meeting yourself where exactly where they are not where they should be, but where they are. We can work with truth. We can't work with denial. That is such a powerful statement. I can work with truth. I can when I coach somebody I can work with them if they're going to tell me the truth. I can't work with somebody who's in denial or not willing to take ownership ,because ownership sometimes feels uncomfortable. Because we've got to take ownership some things we haven't done or some places we aren't yet but love and acceptance truth the truth will set you free. We can work with the truth! Amen and amen! So I want to challenge you this week in a seemingly mundane circumstance in your life - your marriage, your work, your home. You are noticing that you're getting triggered. How can you then journal ,explore get out the feelings. Bring that before the Lord and find some freedom ,find some healing, find some truth to that situation. So when it happens again in the future it'll be different because you'll be different!
God bless! We'll see you next time.