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Hello, welcome back.
So, the Hefley family is packed up and ready to go to church camp. We're leaving this afternoon, so I wanted to get this recording out. But we're gonna talk about money shame today. Has anybody ever had any money regrets? Mistakes that they have made around money? Maybe you have bought something that you regretted? Maybe you bought a house or a car that costs more than you could afford or that you wanted to afford. Maybe even you have made some investments that have gone bad. Like they were, you did your due diligence, you did your research, you got your referrals, you thought you were doing what was best to invest, multiply your money and it was a scam or a bad deal or just fell through. over and over again.
Anyways, this has been a theme. I've always wanted, there are lots of theme episodes coming along. I feel like the Lord puts these themes throughout people that I coach, throughout my personal relationships, and throughout things that I'm learning, and it's because there needs to be freedom in that area. Something needs to be broken off in that area. So he's like, talk about it. So we're gonna talk about it. Because this has happened to not just me. when we lost $50,000 on an investment last year. But as I was honest about that, it is very interesting to me that I have had other people come out and said, oh my gosh, I lost X amount of money. This actually fell through, or as I've been coaching clients within our Leading Ladies program, I'm finding that this is a theme that a lot of people have a lot of shame about., around money or shame around their debt or shame around decisions from their past. This even showed up for me this week and I was getting coaching and I was getting personal coaching in one of my masterminds that I'm in and we were going over our six months goals and we were halfway through and this literally came out of my mouth. I said I'm embarrassed to tell you that I'm not at my goal. Like I was even this feeling of embarrassment and shame that I wasn't to the goal that I had set out for myself yet at the halfway point and it was interesting because right as the call ended just like I want to talk to you more about this embarrassment feeling that you feel the shame feeling that you feel and why you feel that way and as I was drilling about it. I'm like, yes, we got to talk about this. We have to talk about this because I feel there are three traps around shame that are keeping you stuck keeping you, holding you back around your new money story, around the future that God has for you in money, with money, around prosperity, around the purpose of your life and how it is to bless others. When we are stuck in this shame cycle around the past, it can really derail us.
So, here are three kinds of areas where I feel like shame really kind of keeps us stuck. First of all, it's the lonely aspect. I feel like so many people want to keep, try to keep their shame story around money a secret and the lie that they're believing from Satan or that Satan is trying to convince them to believe is that you're dumb. You're the only person that this happens to. You made a huge mistake. You are a failure. And so it's almost like, it's so interesting when I hear of another friend and another friend who's made a bad money mistake, it's almost like, has this just happened to us? I'm thinking this actually happens to a lot of people, but nobody is talking about it because they're ashamed. So what do I love to do? Talk about things that other people won't. I always tease because talk about sex therapy and money. We all need more of it in the right, in the correct context. And nobody's talking about it. So, Jessica, we'll talk about it. Okay. We'll talk about those things. Shame and loneliness, because when we're feeling that story, when we're keeping our shame a secret, it feels really lonely. It feels like we're the only one that's going through this. Nobody else will understand. We need to hide this because we are bad, or what we have done is wrong, or we'll never get out of this hole, or it's embarrassing. We don't want anybody to think certain things about us. And if they knew this about us, then they would judge us. Whatever. So, number one is that it keeps you lonely. as you keep it a secret. Number two, it is keeping you trapped. Your shame story is keeping you trapped. If you're inside Living Ladies and are familiar with our creation cycle, our renewal road, and how I teach how we renew our minds, this is incredibly important because when you tell yourself things such as these are thoughts, not facts, I made a huge mistake. I will never get out of this debt. I should never be trusted with money. I'm bad with money. I don't know what to do with money. I don't know how to invest money. When you continue to choose to think those thoughts, those will continue to create feelings of shame and embarrassment and fear, disgust, whatever. And from those feelings, as we operate out of feelings, when you are feeling embarrassed and shamed, what are you doing? If you're watching me on video, like my body just literally hovered down, as you hide, you ignore. you don't put attention to it because it doesn't feel good. And so you continue to stay trapped. You continue to stay stuck. So we're gonna help you get out of there in just a minute. But number three is shame holds you back from your true identity. I always wanna point people back to what their true identity in Christ is. I've said this before, two job descriptions in the Bible. One came to steal, kill, destroy, and confuse the voice of the enemy. And one came to give life and give it more abundantly. And so are you coming in agreement with the mistakes that you made? Are you coming in agreement with you are bad, you are stupid, you are embarrassing, you don't know what you're doing, you don't deserve money, you don't deserve a good future because of mistakes that you've made? That is absolutely where Satan wants you to stay. He wants you to stay lonely. He wants you to stay stuck. and he wants to hold you back from everything that God has called you to do. Everything goes back to your purpose of why you are here on this earth, why you have your business in the first place, and how you are called to be a blessing to this earth.
When you are in shame, when you are continuing to tell your story of shame around your money story, you will hide. You will not go after more money. You will not make more money, or you will and you'll lose it just as fast as you gained it because you haven't gotten to the root of this shame. So let's pause for just a moment. Okay, shame. What does that even feel like? We are so out of touch with our bodies, so we're gonna take one moment, like shame. Think of your money mistake story. Or that you are embarrassed by, you have tried to keep a secret, maybe you haven't told other people, maybe you've been avoiding it, maybe even avoiding looking at your money, or looking at your debt, or avoiding making a plan, whatever it is. Acknowledge what is even, what is the, what does shame even feel like in your body? Like is it your throat? Is it like closing up the heavy on your chest? Is it this pit in your stomach? Is it a pain in your head? Like just, we're gonna take three deep breaths and you are going to breathe in and breathe out and I want you to just feel the feeling of shame. I promise you won't die. Spoiler alert, I promise you won't die but this is a key. and moving past any uncomfortable emotions. So here we go, three big breaths. I want you to feel the shame. Breathe in through your nose, deeply and slowly. Breathe out with your mouth. I want you to breathe deep down into your stomach.
Congratulations. You just did a very small yet incredibly powerful step that the majority of the world won't do because they will push away or ignore or not acknowledge any sort of uncomfortable feeling and it just keeps creating this anxiousness. It just keeps creating this shame cycle that they are staying stuck in and they're not finding a way out of. By you pausing and actually experiencing and feeling the uncomfortable emotion that is there, you will be able to move forward. You then will be able to make powerful decisions to have a different future. And since we look at everything about our life and business from a biblical perspective, here are a couple of things I want you to consider what might be happening or why this happened to you. And so it's so easy to say, whatever your money story is like, It's so easy to be like, well, they did this to me, or you don't know what happened, or I did my do-do-do indulgence, or God is punishing me, do-do-do-do, whatever your story is. I want you to notice that it's a story. And for so long, it's like this, you're hugging this porcupine. It's like, no, this is what happened to me. I'll never get better. This is what, they did to me. My debt is so much, I don't deserve a better future. And you just continue to hug this porcupine and it is so painful. And you just keep telling yourself the same story over and over and over again. And you're just like, I am not gonna let go of this painful story. And God's like, just stop hugging the porcupine and the pain will go away. You can offer this up to me in a partnership and we can get through this and you will have a better future. So when I was thinking about this, kind of making some notes about this episode, I thought of like three big areas that can be uprooted when something like this happens to you. Because I always want to think of, when something in life happens, there's nothing I can do to change the past. There's nothing you can do to change what happened in your money situation. There's nothing you can do. It's causing you a lot of pain and anxiety to keep living in the regrets and thinking about what you would have done differently, what you should have done differently, what you fill in the blank, but that isn't serving you and it's not helpful.
There's kind of three reasons why this might've happened to you. Or when I'm looking to the Lord of like, why did this happen? What lesson do I, what lesson can I learn from this to move forward? Number one, maybe your love of money. Maybe there is still some deep-seated scarcity within you, some deep-seated idolatry around money that the Lord could be uprooting in you. And that could take taking away some of your money and having to decipher and explore with him all the emotions and feelings that have come up because of that. So is he uprooting your love of money? Because money's not, money's not. good or bad, it's a moral, it's a tool, but did you have some love of money? Did losing that amount of money sting so much that he's trying to get your attention of maybe some scarcity mindset there, some poverty mindset there? I don't know. You get to explore the Lord with that. Number two, is it some trust and control issues? Did sister freak out when she lost that money? Were you desperately trying to control your life, control your situations, control your future, are you acting or thinking that you are totally and completely in control of your future and you're the one that is in charge of it and you're the only person that can take care of you. Hmm, interesting. Maybe the Lord is trying to uproot that. Or number three, just simply fear. Fear of where your safety comes from. Fear of where your security comes from. Is that, is that, did that come from money? Did you only feel safe or secure when you saw money in the bank or whatever it was for your situation? And in light of those three, I believe maybe the Lord is trying to plant something new within you. Because maybe the Lord has abundance beyond all that you could ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within you, together as a partnership. There is abundance there, but maybe the Lord is using this to get your attention on how He wants to truly partner with you, to prosper you, to bring heaven to earth, to bring your vision of what you've been called to, to truly light. So let's start over fresh, start over new, or maybe He's trying, and in light of this as well, trying to plant within you a dependence, a partnership. to do this together for you to not make decisions alone or not try to do it in your own strength or not try to do what you think is best. But he's saying, he's inviting you to be like, hey, let's talk about this.
Maybe what God wants you to do with your money to steward and multiply it, maybe what God wants you to do with the future of your money doesn't make sense right now or doesn't make sense to the world. But as you partner and your dependence on him, it'll make complete. someday, but it doesn't make sense right now. Or maybe he's just literally trying to plant your freedom from slavery. Freedom from this bondage that you may have of your weird mindset around money, your weird mindset about loss, but honestly your freedom from the slavery of the lies you believe about yourself. Like where is your identity coming from? Is it coming from your amount of money or your status? Is it coming from... If you must make mistakes or don't make mistakes, is your identity coming from the voice, the condemning voice of the enemy that says you are bad, you made a mistake, you're bad with money, this will never get better, you'll never get out of debt, this will always be your situation, or are you listening to that still small voice that is saying, I am doing a new thing. Apart from me, you can do nothing. Are you believing that your future will be better? than your past. And what if you, I wanna really invite you to really consider this thought. What if whatever happened in the past with your money, what if it was always supposed to be this way? What if it was always supposed to be this way? What if the mistake that happened with your money or whatever your shame story is, what if it was always supposed to be this way? Because it's going to bring you to a new version of yourself higher. elevated thoughts of you and your purpose and your mission. It is going to bring you to your knees on what to do moving forward.
This podcast is all about creating more peace and making more money by stewarding your business God's way so that creating more peace is a choice. You have a choice to make powerful decisions. And the only reason that is holding you back from moving forward with your money is shame. What if that's the only thing? What if you were just unwilling to sit for a few moments and actually feel the feelings of shame? What if you wouldn't have told your shame story around money? What if you went and told the mistakes that you'd made or how you have felt or how you have felt lonely or trapped or held back from your true identity because you believe those lies? I bet that a ton of people would relate to you. I bet that you increased your influence with them because it would make you more relatable and they could better understand you because they have a shame story around money too. So. You live into the story that you tell yourself. What is the future that you have around money? Take a moment, feel the shame, the embarrassment, the dread, the doubt, but then recognize that the voice of God is calling you into your destiny and your future, and he does not call you by your mistakes. Your name is not your mistake. Your name is not your past. He is doing a new thing. And in order to do the new thing, you have to come into agreement that He wants to partner with you that the mistakes that you made are part of your past and that you can move forward, and that your future can look different from your past. Stop looking at all the evidence from your past. Your future can look different from your past and when you come in agreement with that, you will create more peace and make more money. This is one of my favorite topics to talk about inside of our Leading Ladies Breakthrough We cannot wait to see you on the inside of that coaching program where you will have continued and extended and repeated breakthroughs around your money story. See you next time.