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Hey, welcome back to the Prosperity With Purpose Podcast I am Jessica Hefley and hopefully you listened to last week because we are going to touch on it a little bit with this good old feelings wheel it is going to help you when you coach your team or your employees or your line of business. What a strategy isn't the problem, actually a no strategy is not your problem. A strategy is important. But so many people are just seeking “Tell me what to do”. “Tell me how to do this.” “Give me the exact step by step”. I don't have to think of anything and I just do these things. Oh how I wish that was the answer but most people really do know what they need to do they know what they need to do in their business. They know what they need to do in their marriage, their parenting. They know what they need to do to for their health. They know for the most part, the things they need to do you know if you need to lose weight you need to exercise you need to track what you're eating. You need to get more water and need to get more of those things to grow in order to grow your business. You know the things you do you need to market. You need to sell yourself on social media. You need to be there. You know what you need to do and more than likely there is tons of resources training videos. All the things that I've already told you what to do 500 times. I'm more curious about why you're not doing it. You know the things you need to do for the most part and I am not a disser of strategy understand that strategy is important once you know why you're not doing it or more importantly. Know why you are have the vision for where you are going and why is it is important to do this in the first place like what is your self-concept as a leader what you live into the story. You tell yourself. So if you tell yourself I'm unsuccessful. This isn't going to work I've tried that before you make perfect sense that you just continue. To live into that story. It's not working. You've tried that before and it didn't work and you're not a leader. You keep it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy if your identity is “Oh well I'm not a healthy person”, or “I'm not like her”, or “I'm not as extreme as tha"t” or whatever you have to notice. There is something behind there of why you aren't doing it. So why I'm talking about this today? I always come and talk to you about my real life experiences. I have been doing a bunch of coaching calls on my Plexus team. So I've got some leaders I'm trying to help get backup to 3 stars and above, that can come to the mastermind with us and I know a lot of a lot of my listeners are network marketing professionals a lot of my listeners aren't, so this will pertain to both of you and how you can coach others to help them get the results they want so hang tight with me for a second but I was coaching them all. And I have them fill out this coaching call form before the call and I will link that at the bottom for you guys to help equip you with that I found years ago. I used to do a lot of coaching calls and it was just ended up me telling them what to do strategy, like okay you go do this, this, this, this and this that's what I thought. Ah, good leader was supposed to do and I I was successful. I had the track record. So I thought they just needed me to tell them what to do what ended up happening is we I wasted a lot of my time and I hate wasting my time. I wasted my time. I wasted their time. We'd have this great call, and then I wasn't seeing the results. They still weren't going and doing the things even though they had a clear strategy even though they knew the things they needed to do. They weren't doing it and so years later through my John Maxwell training and definitely through my Certified Christian Life Coach training I've learned to be a professional question asker, and that is my advice. Do you shut up and ask more questions? It helps them become aware. It helps them evaluate themselves. It helps them come up with the ideas. Nobody really likes being told what to do like if it's their idea. They're more likely to do it. They have ownership in it. They have empowerment in it. They they understand why they need to do it. It's not just somebody saying do this and and behind the scenes are kind of like I have no idea why she said to do this. This doesn't make any sense to me but she said no when you ask the right questions it reveals the the deeper things. So, I have a whole coaching call for them and I'll go through all of it with you but the most powerful question on the entire sheet is what are you avoiding or resisting if you if and you will you guys? are you. Want to you guys want to prosper you want you want to prosper with a purpose. You know your identity. You know your purpose and your listeners of this podcast you you listened to the old episodes you get it so you are going to allow yourself to ask this question. Most people won't. Because most people will just try to steam ahead with their life and business doing the things and it feels like they have their stinking foot on the break and it feels hard and it feels resistant and they're not resting and they're just hustling and then they burn out or they're lost that love and feeling when it comes to the work again because they lost the purpose behind it. They aren't in touch with their body and their feelings and what their thoughts are actually creating within their physical body holding up the feeling well for you YouTube watchers. Okay, so because if you will be honest about what you are avoiding or resisting I mean those are uncomfortable things. There's a reason you're not doing that live video. There's a reason you haven't been talking about the business more. There's a reason you haven't been creating community in your team. There's a reason whatever the thing is you're resisting, there's a reason, and let's get curious about it because that's what's going to give you the breakthrough not another strategy session not another waste of time for somebody and waste of time for yourself. Getting to be able to identify why you're not doing that that will help free. You? Okay so let's go over the questions on the coaching call. But again like they all did all these calls but what we spent the most time on and where people had the most Aha! moments. The most like oh my goodness I've never thought about it that way. Oh wow this is really going to make a difference is when we covered that question so you can just do that on yourself right now like if you're not doing coaching calls for other people. What personally in your area of work in your area that you have been called to what are you avoiding or resisting. Doing in that area that will actually create more peace for you if you get that over with or you have that conversation or you journal about why you're feeling that way or why you're feeling stuck because at the root of it, are you feeling embarrassed? Are you feeling insecure? are you feeling helpless? Are you feeling confused? Are you worried that you'll be rejected? You have fear of success? Do you have fear of what that would mean for you? What that would look like for you and do you feel insignificant? Would you feel weak if you did something and it didn't turn out? It was fascinating years, years, years, and years ago I took some of my top level leaders on a like retreat to California. We went to a conference. It was like a Christian leadership conference with worship and really great speakers. It was awesome and then we did something scary which is always my favorite thing to do is push my team, push my leaders because it's also pushing me. To do something they're terrified of because after somebody does something they are terrified of, they will walk ten feet taller, they'll act a little bulletproof and even though they may have been scared out of their ever loving mind, it gave them some courage, some bravery.What's this I just wrote this quote down last night. It was about courage. It was so helpful to me hold on. Let me find it here in my notes real quick and “Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the ability to take action”. While experience experiencing fear so many things so people are like oh this feels terrified now courage is still doing the thing even though you feel terrified and so courage is huge anyways I had them do this trapeze like we had. It was a literal trapeze school. It was on the Santa Monica Pier you could see the ocean in the background. We had to go up like climb up this huge ladder. I told the story of 4 on a episode long time ago. But and we climbed up this ladder high to the very top of a platform where you then had to have this oh a sort of baton. It's a literal bar that you hold on and let and jump off the platform and just swing, freefall and there's only a net underneath you and you are up, up, up, up high. It's terrifying and so we did that and then we did it where somebody else was swinging like this is literal trapeze like you've seen it at a circus so somebody else starts swinging, a guy starts swinging by his knees so he's swinging by his knees and then they time it perfectly. They got a microphone and they tell you to jump off the platform. You swing a couple of times you dangle by your knees. You're dangling by your knees. He's dangling by his knees and the timing matches up where you grab arms and you let go and he just holds you. It's so wild and so terrifying and 1 of the coolest things in my life I've ever done. I don't know why I'm telling you this story. I think has to do with pray courage. Anyways, getting your people, getting yourself to do things that they are scared of is my favorite because I know the replications I know the lasting effects I know the memories that that entails but also what that does for their bravery and courage so doing trapeze lessons may be so unrelated to your current business. But it's not because it allowed them to feel the feelings of being scared and then choosing to do them anyways which is like basically everything you're going to do for the rest of your life. So but said that the first six months of your business is really just learning how to regulate your nervous system because you're doing something you're terrified to do, and I would agree that it doesn't stop at six months like you're constantly. We think that we master something we're like oh no I mastered fear or oh no I mastered we're gonna do episode on this I mastered the fear of me and I'm not people pleasing - isn't an issue for me. I've already mastered that. There's always an invitation for another layer of that. Okay I am getting off track but it's good. Okay there. We got coaching call. So let me go through the questions real quick on what? Okay what first of all why I do this is I think it's so important for somebody to take agency before my time with them before their time. You your time is valuable you you don't have to wait till you're as a high level up as me your time is valuable now and this teaches these teaches the people that you are coaching to hold themselves accountable. Okay, so here's the question I'm gonna tell you all the questions and then I'm gonna explain a little bit. Why I ask these questions. Okay and they have to fill this out before our call. At least 24 hours before our call so they have to be thinking about these things they have to be evaluating themselves. They have to be okay. So anyways, I asked them what book you're currently reading. What is your biggest strength as a leader. What are your daily, weekly, monthly tasks that you do for your ah business what are you avoiding or resisting what is your work routine like how many hours a day and a week do you work your business. What is your goal. Why have you not already reached that goal and then I have them do a goals exercise of where they want to be and a year from now. But then also working backwards if you want to be here a year from now where do you need to be in six months. three months. and one month and then at the end I have we filled this out during the call. What are the detailed action steps before our next call and the thoughts you need to practice on purpose. And then how will you feel once you've accomplished these things. Okay, so let me explain what this is very I say strike strategy is not important. This is actually very strategic. However, it's a beautiful balance of both. Okay I once was on a training call and afterwards someone was like I just wanted her to give me strategy and I was like that's so interesting because if that's your thought you're probably over there like she didn't give me strategy, so that makes her feel frustrated. Which then makes her think that she can't work her business or she can't be successful because somebody didn't give her strategy or her thought may have been well she didn't help me but it's not just she. Her thought probably is nobody can help me and when she thinks nobody can help me or she's thinking I can't even help myself. Nobody can help me. It's this feeling of hopelessness. It's this feeling of anger. It's this feeling of frustration and when she continues to believe nobody can help me. She can't help me nobody can help me, and then it just keeps creating “nobody can help me” and this stuckness, stuckness, stuckness. Isn't that fascinating? I go into every training I ever attend thinking I'm going to get out of this exactly what I need. I am going to get out of this training exactly what I need today and that. Opens me up I can learn anything I can learn something from a beginner. I can learn something from someone who's not in my profession I can learn something from anybody because everything in life is a lesson ,and when I think I I am going to get out of this exactly what I need the feelings that creates for me is anticipation excitement. Importance because I'm going to get out of this exactly what I need and you know what happens, then I end up getting out of this exactly what I need and I go put into practice something that I was open to allowing to learn that should be an entire podcast episode all itself. Okay, so here's why I ask these specific questions what book are you currently reading? I am actually going to change this before I give this to you guys because I did this last couple times and they would like just tell me a book they were reading at church or just like this fiction book and I was like I meant what book are you reading in line with your profession like what sales book are you reading what network marketing book are are you reading what leadership book are you reading? And something in line with your occupation. I I ask them this. I don't ask them are you reading a book circle yes or no. No, no, no, no I say what book are you reading because leaders are readers foundationally leaders are readers. If they're not reading a book before they fill this format. They'll go pick up a book, read one page and come back and tell me they're currently reading such and such book. Okay I want to rise them up. Empower them to do the and the activities that will get them the the results that need so. I'm not asking them yes or no questions. Please stop asking your people yes or no questions. Ask them open ended questions. Rise them up to be a leader. A literally tangible example in my network marketing business is I don't say like oh Are you signed up to go to our company convention? I don't say that because that's a yes or no question. I say who’s coming?I don't even ask if they're coming I say “Who do you have from your team that's coming with you to convention?” That's how I ask the question because I'm already assuming that they're signed up because they're they're leader in the business. They should absolutely be going but they should not only just be going. They should be rising up other people on their team to go. That's a word for somebody. Okay, next question what is your biggest strength as a leader I want them to focus on their strengths. I want to know how them to be aware of and know why they're good at this. What makes them unique? What makes them good because again they may be looking at me or someone else and thinking well I'm not like I'm not good at this and this and this like she is or I'm not good in this area. I think they have this preconceived notion that you have to be successful or you have to be strong in certain things in order to be. No I want them to know and and I want to speak life into the things that they are good at. I think that's very important for you as a leader for you as you're coaching somebody else. You definitely want to praise them. You definitely want to recognize the ways that they are unique in their strengths. Okay, next what are your daily, weekly, monthly activities in your business. So I want them to be able to writing that out because people say all the time. Oh I work my business so much and I'm always like “Oh really? Okay, okay, so what exactly and when exactly are you working your business? That's another one of the questions you knowwhat how many hours a week day in a week are you working your business? I want them to actually evaluate it because you know people are like I drink so much water and I'm like oh really like how much you like oh two glasses. It's so much more fascinating so you get clearer on what that actually yes so get clearer clearer on what that. Actually means and this really is for them for them to see and then you can you can offer some it'll it'll provide you some insight to ask some questions on if they like have they work 1 hour a week and their goal is to like reach the top of the company in a year you can ask some because of the fact you said you wanted to be at the top of the company in a year do you think these activities will be enough to get you there. Okay, ask them the question put it back on to them I'm going to I'm getting and we talked about what are you avoiding or resisting. It's the money shot like if they will be still for a moment. To actually tell you what they're avoiding or resisting. It's almost always the reason their business isn't growing so I want to get to the root of it like let's get to the real reason your business is not growing one time I had a girl she and took her child out to like a mother's Stayout program. It was like 4 hours and she got she had she was kid free for 4 hours she went to the coffee shop and worked her business and she was like Jessica I had four uninterrupted hours to work my business and I got so much done! She said but I ran out of time before I was able to make some new reach outs for my business just left inside. Um. Because I was like what did you do for 4 hours? Isn't that funny like her brain was like oh I worked so hard and she filled 4 hours worth of things to do but she wasn't doing the 1 thing that would actually move the needle in her business. Actually grow her business in the present and in the future. So, so interesting. We really also have to evaluate and prioritize the things that need to be done during non work hours. Okay so what is your work routine like I want to hear are they filling in the nooks and crannies are they putting in specific work hours and separating those we would have some discussions about that. Um, what is your goal and why have you not already reached your goal? Yes, okay, so you not being like well here's why I think you haven't reached your goal. No ask them why they think they haven't reached their goal. This is one of the most valuable things you can do as a leader is pause yourself and yeah, there wasn't something wrong in the the podcast recording right? then I just paused for like literally only 5 seconds there is so much power in the pause because it's uncomfortable when you pause so you as a leader have to be able. And willing to feel the feeling of uncomfortable and let it be paused for a while. Let it be silent for a while. Also pro tip don't ever let them say I don't know I don't like if if in the question, why have they not I reachached their goal and they say I don't know why I haven't reached my goal already. Here is your opportunity to say. Okay, if you were to take a guess. Why do you Why do you think keep coming back to it. Don't let them say I don't know. Don't let that be the end all ok so keep being like ok huh like if you were just to take a guess. Why do you think you haven't reached your goal yet. This is so important so important do not answer this question for them. You can you can add some things to it after they answer the question but you would be doing them a tremendous disservice I am so about do not just give a man a fish teach a man. Fish teach them. How give them the feelings wheel like literally you can get the feelings without while you're doing a coaching call like what actually is the feeling that you're avoiding or resisting what is going on deeper. Why are you not already actual talk about some breakthroughs. You'll get some if you'll shut up and ask more questions! Okay, and then a goals exercise. This was really this was really important but this also I learned something new this last round which I'm going to tweak this before I give it to you? Okay, so people were giving me their goal again. This is network I was. Specifically this past week I was coaching people in their network marketing business I coach people in all professions. But for this one they were telling me where they wanted to be in a year six months three months and one month but they weren't they weren't aware of what they even needed to reach that one month goal. So some people were saying they wanted to hit a specific rank this month and when I I tried to ask on this before the call because I didn't want to waste time with this on the call I was like okay you said you wanted to be senior gold ruby whatever by the end of this month how many people do you need to add to your organization in order for you to hit that goal this month and it was so interesting. How many people did not know that number. So I made sure they knew how to do that math before I got on a coaching call with them because we got lots of other things to talk about in the coaching.I don't have time to figure out basic math with them. So this also helps them learn how their compensation plan works or help if you're in a sales industry help them make sure they know how. To reach the goal that they want to reach don't just let them say okay, here's my goal isn't that fun I hope I get it. No they need to know specifically what it will take for for them to reach that goal. You cannot win the game if you do not know the rules so make sure that is incredibly clear for them they can work with numbers. They can't work with oh help a catch it I have no idea how many people I need to even get it now help them to know what that means so then at the end of the coaching call have a detailed action steps for them to take just a couple of steps so they can feel like they are winning. They are going in the right direction but also a very specific thought for them to practice on purpose which will create the feelings that they long to feel in their business. Okay, so if they're in this. They're in a shame season or a fear season or whatever help them have an anchor thought that makes them feel the feelings of empowered or powerful or proud or hopeful or confident like cling to that practice that you you and your body have been on default. For your whole life your mind if when we do not take our thoughts captive. They're just defaulting to something that we don't like and that's what they've done for years and years and years and years and years to so to retrain your thoughts. You're going to have to specifically think them on purpose with intention on repeat. So not only at the top of my calendar I teach this in my mentorship. We write our twelve week breakthrough girls at the top of our calendar every day but we also are writing the thought that we are thinking on purpose the on repeat we are writing it every day we are putting it at the top of our calendar. The top of our mind. So many people. A whole other call and goals that I have a whole nother lesson inside my mentorship that is the the most intrinsic detailed emotional yet strategic way for you to actually accomplish goals within twelve weeks um and being aware of the feelings you need to create in order to to accomplish that goal, but also the thought that you were going to think on purpose is so powerful. Okay, so I know that this is going to be helpful for you and your business no matter what your business is for you and your own life to help you evaluate something you can do this coach and call on yourself. Okay and you could probably have a lot of breakthrough, right? Then and there but I just when I was doing those coaching calls today literally and I did about 6 of them this week. The most powerful thing that happened in every single one of those coaching calls was the question. What are you avoiding or resisting and also the question. Why have you not reached your goal already because that allows them the the space to be honest with their set themselves and we can work with truth the truth is what sets people free not pretending or avoiding or resisting or acting like that is not under an underlying reason of why that's there the truth will set you free. And it takes bravery and honesty and vulnerability and there was ah there was often tears in talking about that that question but that is where the healing happens that is where you can create a different future from your past. So their printout will be in the show notes. So Excited and empowering. This is just like a baby taste within our mentorship. I really do this in real life as I coach people and there's such transformation in coaching and what is unfortunate is so many people are too scared to get coaching or they aren't willing to feel the feeling of like, they're just like oh that feels uncomfortable. But if they would allow themselves to feel the feeling of possibly feeling embarrassed for getting something coached on something that they are they They don't feel strong in but it would make them feel weak or it would make them feel and less than or not good enough or just. Yeah, basically they don't feel strong in that area that is what we can work with that level of vulnerability that level of honest honesty that level of truth is probably what has kept you stuck so blessings to you guys blessings to your breakthrough. Can't wait to visit with you guys next week.
